Red
by Monstra Steele Grey
Summary: *Mid-quel to Shades of Grey* "No!", I shout and wake suddenly before checking my surroundings. My room. I'm in my room. My heart is pounding and I sit up on my bed, breathing deeply to steady my heart rate. The tears start to pool in my eyes and I cover my face as they slowly start to fall. What have I done?
1. Prologue

**I toss and turn, **remembering the day I left Christian Grey.

_"__If I told you, you'd never look at me the same way again." I gasp in response. _

_"__So, there is a reason?", I ask but he avoids my gaze. "Tell me." _

_"__Anastasia, I don't want to talk about this right now." _

_"__You never want to talk, Christian. I have to keep pushing and pushing just to get one answer out of you and all you want is to have sex with me. Why is that more important than talking?" _

_"__I'm not used to talking about these things with anyone and I've told you more than I've ever told anyone in my life, including Elena." _

_"__Did she ever have to pressure you like this?" _

_"__No, but she understood how I felt." _

_"__Must be a real saint, then", I say dispassionately. _

_"__Anastasia, that's enough." _

_"__I'm just trying to understand you but you keep shutting me out. We should be talking." _

_"__Like normal people?" _

_"__Yeah. Is that so wrong?", I ask as I go to touch his cheek but he stops me before I can. He exasperatedly runs his hands through his hair and tries to control his temper. _

_"__Is this because of the contract? Because I still haven't signed it?" He finally looks at me before answering. _

_"__Fuck the contract", he responds and I can tell he's mad, really mad. _

_"__Do you wanna punish me right now?" _

_"__Yes." _

_"__Why do you need to? Why do I always have to be punished by you?" _

_"__Because it's the way I am!", he yells and I step a few feet back. _

_"__Your fifty shades?", I ask timidly. He looks down but doesn't answer. _

_With that in mind, I run upstairs to the Red Room and Christian follows close behind. I swing open the door just as he catches up. I turn around to face him and take a deep breath. _

_"__Show me then", I demand and for a moment he doesn't know what I mean. _

_"__I want you to punish me. Show me how far it can go." _

_"__Ana…" _

_"__Just do it. It's the only way I can understand." _

_Christian stares at me as if he can't believe what I'm saying, but ultimately he walks behind me and pulls a belt from a hook on the wall. _

_"__Are you sure about this?", he asks cautiously and I nod. _

_"__Lift your arms", he orders and I slowly do as I'm told. He lifts my shirt above my head and tosses it on the floor. _

_"__Bend over the table", he demands and points at it with his chin. I walk over and comply. "Hold the sides and spread your legs", he orders and I obey. _

_"__I'm gonna hit you six times and you're going to count with me", he instructs and I'm panting heavily as I wait for the first blow. Soon, I feel the belt hit my backside and I cry out at the strike. _

_"__Count, Anastasia." _

_"__One", I respond shakily. He then hits me again, this time a little harder. _

_"__Two." _

_He hits me again, slightly harder than before. _

_"__Three." _

_He hits me as the belt bites at my skin. _

_"__Four." _

_I cry out as the pain evolves across my skin. _

_"__Five", Finally, he hits me one more time and I'm broken by his punishment. _

_"__Six", I whisper as my tears burn across my cheeks. Christian drops the belt and starts to help me up. _

_"__No, don't fucking touch me", I shout as I push him away. _

_"__You like seeing me like this? This is what gives you pleasure?", I whimper as I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. _

_"__Ana…", he says as he tries to walk towards me but I stop him by placing my hand on his chest. I cover my chest with my arms and step back. _

_"__I should've known this wouldn't work. You need to get your shit together, Grey. I'm not the one you want." He stares at me as if he doesn't believe what I've said. _

_Before he can answer, I turn on my heel and walk out. _

_"__Stop", I order but he doesn't listen. _

_"__Red", I yell and he stops in his tracks. I grab my suitcase and head into the elevator. I press a button as I try to fight back my tears. _

_"__Ana", Christian says and he looks too broken for me to bear. It reflects too well how I feel inside. _

_"__Christian", I respond and the doors close, leaving our words hanging in the air. I ride down to the first floor and I feel my heart dropping as well. _

_What have I done? _

"No!", I shout and wake suddenly, checking my surroundings. _My room._ I'm in my room. My heart is pounding and I sit up on my bed, breathing deep to steady my heart rate. The tears start to pool in my eyes and I cover my face as they slowly start to fall.

_What have I done? _


	2. Chapter One

**I slowly drink my coffee** and start setting up my desk, waiting for Jack to come and give me a tour of SIP. It's my first day here but all my mind can think about is that it's been a few days since I left Christian Grey. My body still shivers when I think about our last encounter, when I foolishly asked him to show me how far it can go, only for him to take it too far and leaving me with the knowledge that we're too incompatible. Why did I ever let things get this far? He wanted me to be his submissive for Christ's sake, and now here I am living in my own sin. I should've known we were never gonna work out, and I secretly wish I had known about it sooner.

Although, I have to admit, despite all our differences and the fact that we're just too incompatible, I still miss him every day. Everything he did for me—the gliding, the dancing, _Charlie Tango_, our time in the Red Room and him taking my virginity—all of it was more than nice and not a second goes by where I don't think about him at all. Who knew a break-up could be this heartbreaking?

_You brought this on yourself. You should've known he wasn't the one, _my subconscious sneers and I do my best to ignore her. Why did I ever admit that I love him? He never felt the same and when he found out, instead of being happy, it felt like a confession he never wanted to hear, and all because of how he feels about himself and his fifty shades which he sees as a sin. When will he ever realize that he's so much more than who he thinks himself to be? Even with his fucked-upness, he still has a heart, even when he chooses to ignore it.

_"__Because I'm fifty shades of fucked up." _

How could he ever think that of himself? With everything we did—before the incident with the belt—he gave me so much more than I could've ever imagined and despite how we ended, I still enjoyed it all. I blush slightly as I think about the Red Room and how I reacted to seeing it for the first time, and what he told me once I assumed he was a sadist.

_ "__You're a Sadist?" He looks surprised at my remark. _

_"__I'm a Dominant." _

_"__What does that mean?" _

_"__It means that I want you to willingly surrender yourself to me." _

_"__Why would I want to do that?" _

_"__To please me." _

_"__How? I mean, what would you do to me in here?" I'm almost scared to know but I'm not afraid of him; this is just overwhelming. _

_"__It would depend on your behavior." _

_"__My behavior?" _

_"__It's a very simple figure; if you obey my rules, I'll reward you. If you don't, I'll punish you." _

_"__Would you use this stuff on me?" _

_"__Yes, but not enough to hurt you. It's not my intention to hurt you." _

_"__Could I stop you if I wanted to?" _

_"__Of course, and I will. What I have in mind requires negotiations from both of us, and while I decide what to do with you, you decide if you want it or not." _

_"__What do I get out of this?" I can't believe what I'm hearing but at the same time I'm kind of intrigued. _

_"__Me." _

If I never knew about the Red Room, would we even be a couple if I never knew about the contract?

_Of course not! You know how he is,_ my subconscious scolds me and I quickly push her aside. He was willing to try for 'more' with me and when he did, it was like something out of a fairytale; a fairytale I've always wanted. God, of all the men I could've fallen in love with, I had to fall in love with a Dominant. Why is this so confusing? It was meant to be, right?

"Hey, Ana", someone interjects, interrupting my thoughts and I look to see Hannah, one of my co-workers, standing by my desk with a paper bag in her hand and some kind of coffee. We've gotten really close since I came here this morning and honestly, I think we're gonna be good friends; she's really easy to talk to.

"Hi, Hannah", I smile as sweetly as I can manage. How long has she been standing there?

"Are you settling in okay? You seem a little distracted."

"I'm fine. Just hard to believe that I'm here."

"You'll fit in just fine. Have you seen Jack yet? He should be coming in soon."

"No, not yet, so I figured I get a head start. Is he usually so late?"

"Pretty much every day but I heard he was stuck in traffic. Don't worry, he's pretty tolerable when he's actually in a good mood."

"Is he always in a bad one?"

"Not really, but I wouldn't be too worried about it. He's just been stressed out a lot." _Oh. I hope I don't make him angry or anything. It's my first day on the job. _

"Hey, don't worry about it", Hannah says kindly when she notices my expression. "He's a good boss, he is, and every time we get a new employee, he always tries to make them feel welcome. I'm sure you'll fit right in."

"I hope so. The last thing I want is getting fired on my first day."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure that never happens", she winks and I giggle in response. Just then we see someone approaching us and I quickly realize it's Jack, wearing a long overcoat and carrying a leather bag with a coffee in his hand. I stand up a little straighter and he smiles when he sees me.

"Hey, Ana. Glad to see you see you so early", he smiles warmly.

"Good luck", Hannah whispers to me and quickly walks away.

"Good morning, Mr. Hyde", I remark professionally.

"Ana, you can call me Jack. No formalities in any way."

"Sorry, Jack. Um, can I get anything for you?"

"Just a notepad and a pen. I have a quick call to make and then I'll give you that tour. You can follow me if you want", he says kindly and I'm slightly taken aback. _He wants me there during his call?_

Before I can respond, he takes a quick sip of his coffee and heads for his office and after quickly searching for a pen and some paper, I scurry along and follow him to his office. _Wow, the man has good taste._

"Just give me one minute and we'll get going, okay?", he asks as he hangs up his coat and sets his bag by his desk. I nod shyly in response as he picks up his phone.

"Eric, hey it's Jack. How was your week?", he says and listens intently to the other end of the call.

"No shit. Did they say who it was from?" _Who is he talking to?_

"Wow, I'm sure Belinda really liked that. Did she have a chance to thank him?... No, I wouldn't think so, but I'm sure she appreciated the offer...Not yet, but I just called them on my way to work and they said we should be getting copies sometime later this week, probably around noon, give or take a little traffic...Right... No, but he's not too concerned about it but with these prices, SIP can fall out of its slum and start earning some real money to help with the remodeling." _Remodeling?_

"Yeah, I should hear from him by tonight but if not, we can start early Monday morning and hope things go from there... Okay, buddy, but don't wait too long to keep me up-to-date. I got a new employee today and I wanna show her the ropes before I start making any decisions", he says as he gives me a friendly wink and I blush in response.

"Alright, buddy. Just give me a call when you can and I'll see you on Sunday... Okay, bye", he replies before hanging up the phone. I wonder what he was talking about. _What's going on Monday?_

"You ready, Ana?", he asks, interrupting my reverie.

"Um, yeah, I'm ready", I stutter and he smirks slightly at my response. _Oh?_

"Okay, let's go. Just stay close to me and I'll show you everything I can", he smiles and before I can respond, he finishes his coffee and throws the cup in the trashcan and after grabbing a set of keys and his cell, he motions for me to exit and once we're out, he locks the door behind him. After checking that it's secure, he puts his keys and phone in his pocket before turning around and motioning for me to follow him. I open up my notepad and follow him down the hall.

**"****This is where we keep all the manuscripts for authors before we have a chance to read them",** he explains as he walks me through a room completely covered in boxes overflowing with papers.

"Is it hard to keep up with them?", I ask as I write down some notes.

"It can be but when you're low on manpower, it's kind of hard to find volunteers who are willing to read and give notes about it." _God, reading sounds so good right now._

"Do you like reading?", Jack inquires when he sees me lost in thought.

"Um, yeah, I do. Reading is my passion."

"Really?", he asks intrigued. "Who's your favorite author?"

"Thomas Hardy", I blush and Jack's brows shoot up in surprise.

"Really? I would've pegged you for Jane Austën", he jokes and I laugh politely in response. My mind involuntarily goes back to the last time somebody asked me who my favorite author was, also when I was there for my first day on the job.

_"__Tell me, was it Charlotte Brontë, Jane Austen or Thomas Hardy who first made you fall in love with literature?" _

_"__Hardy." _

_"__Hmm, I would've guessed Jane Austen." _

_God, not now. _

"Everything okay?", Jack enquires when he notices my expression.

"Um, yeah I'm fine. I was just a little lost in thought."

"Okay", he smiles kindly. "You ready to see more?", he asks and I nod my response.

**Almost two hours** go by and Jack's finishing up giving me a tour. Even from the outside, it never looked this mass.

"When are they gonna remodel SIP?", I ask as I finish up my notes.

"Hopefully in a month or so, depending on some book sales so we can get a little extra money."

"Is SIP falling short?"

"No, it's not that. It's just that all the money we use is mainly for marketing, pre-sales, e-journals and stuff like that, so none of our money really goes toward refurbishing the building or giving it a little touch."

"Is the remodeling gonna be distracting?"

"It shouldn't be. We have a little policy that when SIP is closed for the night, that's when they do construction on the building, so as not to disturb anyone who's working and destroy their creativity."

"And they just stop when SIP opens up?"

"Pretty much, yeah, but only when it's possible. If they have an issue of some kind, we give them a little extra time until they can figure out the problem. That way we can keep on working and not have to be concerned."

"Sounds like a good plan."

"Only when it works", he jokes and I laugh politely in response.

"So, is there anything you want me to do for you right now?", I ask as I put away my notepad and quickly close the drawer.

"I got a package coming in today that I'll need you to sign for, but before then, I have a couple manuscripts for you to look over and give me your opinion if we should publish them or not. Since you like reading, it shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay. Um, what time is your delivery?"

"Sometime around noon, so be sure to watch the time. They usually come in a little late but it shouldn't take too long."

"Okay. Thanks, Jack."

"I'll see you when it comes in", he grins and before I can respond, he walks back to his office and closes the door behind him. I immediately sit down at my desk and open up my computer and as I'm logging in, I quickly notice I have some e-mails from Jack with _Manuscript 1 _and so on on the titles. _When did he send those?_

Furrowing my brow, I open the first one and start to read, trying hard not to think of Christian Grey as I do.

**The day's been** long and I'm ready to go home, but before I can start packing up for the night, Hannah approaches my desk and is holding a bottle of some kind. I think it might be wine.

"Hey, Ana. How was your first day?"

"It was fine but I'm pretty exhausted to say the least", I giggle and she laughs in response.

"Listen, I know we're not supposed to do this but if it's okay, I got you a bottle of wine to celebrate you being here at SIP." _Oh, that was sweet._

"Thank you, Hannah, but you didn't have to do that."

"I wanted to since not everyone makes it past their first day. I got you red cause I didn't know if you wanted white." _Red. Shit._

"Um, thank you, that's really sweet", I smile, hoping she can't read my thoughts.

"My pleasure. I'm so happy you joined SIP", she grins and sets the bottle on my desk just as Jack comes out of his office. Hannah scurries away, leaving us alone.

"Nice job today, Ana. Looks like you'll make it after all."

"Thanks, Jack. You want me here at the same time?"

"Sure and if you stop at a coffee shop on your way in, I want my coffee black."  
"Um, okay. I think I can do that."

"Good", he grins, a little too friendly I think. "See you on Monday", he replies and after locking up his office, heads down the hall. I take a deep breath, glad for the release, and start gathering up my things before following him as well.

**I park Wanda** outside my apartment just as Kate runs out and gives me a big hug. _Jesus, I was only gone for a few hours._

"You have a good day, Ana? I was worried you weren't coming home." _Jeez, it's SIP; not the first day of kindergarten._

"Um, it was fine. I think I'm gonna like it there and Jack seems like a nice boss."

"Much better than your last one?", she asks, catching me off-guard. _Jesus, not now._

"He was fine, too. I think I'm pretty lucky", I choke out, willing myself not to cry.  
"Oh, Ana, I wasn't trying to upset you. I was just making a little joke."

"It's okay", I smile reassuringly.

"Hey, you wanna order take-out? I wanna hear about your day."

"Sure, that's fine but only if I get to order."

"Of course", she giggles and just like that, I feel a little better.

**An hour or so** passes and when Kate goes off to bed, I slip on my pajamas and head for my room. I've tried forgetting about Christian all day but as always, he never leaves my mind. Did I do the right thing in leaving when I did? I haven't felt this heartbroken since I left mom in Georgia when I came back to Seattle. Even now, it feels a little worse.

_What did you expect?,_ my subconscious remarks and I shake my head at the thought. I slip in my bed and pull the covers to my neck, quietly pondering if I should read to fall asleep.

_"__I want to apologize", he says suddenly. For what? Even my subconscious and inner goddess are surprised. _

_"__For what?" _

_"__For the way I've been acting over the last few days. I didn't mean to mislead you, but I had no choice", he says in a low voice. The look in his eyes tells me that he means it. _

_"__Why?" _

_"__Because…", he starts as he runs a hand through his hair. Is he nervous? "Listen to me", he continues. "I don't do romance, and my tastes are very singular. You wouldn't understand why. The way I was acting, it isn't me. And I'm sorry that I had to bring that upon you." I'm shocked by his honesty. I'll admit that I'm upset over what happened, but I don't hate him for it. Angry maybe but not in a rage. _

_"__Um", I say and freeze. What am I supposed to say to that? Surprisingly, I remember the books he left in my room and still wonder why he gave me those ones specifically. _

_"__Why did you give me those books?", I find myself asking. _

_"__I figured it was the least I could after what happened the other night", he shrugs remorsefully. _

_"__Why those specifically?" _

_"__I thought you were interested in literature? I thought they would be appropriate. Do you not like them?", he asks with his brows furrowed. _

_"__No, I mean, yes I do. Thank you, Mr. Grey." He smiles as if relieved. Was he worried I wouldn't? _

_"__What do you mean by singular tastes?", I ask without thinking. _

_"__I don't think I can explain it. Like I said, you wouldn't understand." _

_With that, I take a deep breathe. _

_"__Enlighten me then", I whisper. He looks at me confused as if to ponder what I've just said. _

_How can this man change direction of emotions in one breath? It's unnerving how mercurial he is so quickly. _

_After a beat, he amazes me by standing up and slowly walking towards me. He gently tips my head up, releasing my bottom lip that I didn't even realize I had been chewing, and then slowly grazes his thumb over the dents. My breathing hitches at his touch. He almost feels like a ghost. _

_"__I would like to bite that lip", he whispers. _

_"__I think I'd like that too", I reply breathless. All too quickly, he removes his hand and I'm longing for his touch again. _

I shut my eyes tight, forcing myself not to cry, and quickly decide to sleep instead of reading. I can't think about him right now. I just can't.


End file.
